09.20.07

Grandmother and memories

Posted in Asma at 6:22 pm by salafiya

Assalam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah

 My grandmother was in the hospital for a biopsy (there’s something wrong with her but we don’t know for certain what it is). Please du’aa for her inshaAllaah.

 Anyways, I went to go visit her at the hospital yesterday. When I entered, I felt a pang in my heart and my eyes stung. Though the hospital was much different than the one my sister was usually at, there were still so many memories.

Watching my grandmother helpless hurt me, of course. She’s my grandmother! She used to help take care of me sometimes and I have this one home video of her feeding me biryaani like there was no tomorrow. So obviously it did hurt to see her like that.

But honestly, I think my heart has numbed/toughened to these things since I saw Asma go through so much worse when she was just a child. I wasn’t even going to go to the hospital yesterday because of my dislike of them, but I still went because my mom reminded me that it’s Ramadhan and we should visit the sick (which reminded me of the hadeeth of Abu Bakr accomplishing all of the things Muhammad sal Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam asked for).

As I was sitting on the hard leather sofa in the room, I kept looking at my mom because I knew that if I was feeling these things, so was she. As I looked at her, I thought of the countless nights she slept on the types of sofas that I was sitting on right then. Memories came pouring back. These are the memories that came to me:

1. Hospital ice cream - those little cartons of ice cream which my brothers and I would always eat when we got hungry at the hospital. Asma loved those too.

2. The one day we “ran away” from her room. Asma and I decided that we got tired of being in the same room the whole day (plus my parents were sort of angry with me for a reason I forgot) and went to a lounge that was on the same floor and shut the door. We played video games the whole time (Lion King). Nobody knew where we were, so it was like a hideout from the world. lol, unfortunately they found us (we had everyone worried because no one knew where we were). Now that I think about this day, I wish that I could’ve just stared at Asma’s beautiful face instead of playing the game with her.

3. The constant disturbances throughout the night. The nurses got so annoying and I would be so angry at them for my sister. She could not have a peaceful sleep during the times she was in less pain than before because they had to keep waking her up every few hours. Yeah I know that nurses are only doing their jobs, but tell that to a patient who is in constant pain and just wants to be left alone.

As I thought of these things and I looked at my grandmother, I thought of how different both of their lives were. I could not feel the same sadness that I felt for Asma. Most of the tears I have shed or the sadness I have felt since finding about my grandma is for my sister. Again, it’s natural for me to feel sadness for my grandmother’s helplessness, but I think it pales in comparison to what I feel about Asma. I don’t know if I’m the only one who knows what I’m trying to say lol…..but there you have it. My recent thoughts and contemplation. 

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