03.20.08
Need Advice
Assalam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah
My emaan is a bit low presently. I can feel my heart hardening too. I know it’s due to my sins (of which there are many) and I know what I should do to solve it (repent sincerely & regretfully & make the resolve to never commit those sins again). I tried doing that too. However, there’s something different now.
When I usually repent, I can feel myself getting lighter. My heart and soul feel better. I can almost feel the sins being lifted off of me. SubhanAllaah but now, I feel just the same as before repenting. Ya Allaah, how bad have I become that I can’t make myself fear Allaah enough so that my repentance truly means something to me and has a better chance of being accepted?
Please advise me, what do you do when you fall into this type of rut? I desperately need to get out of it. It’s so amazing that when the emaan is down, life just doesn’t have the same meaning anymore. I need to get back to my normal self at least (even though that’s not good either, but it’s better than where I’m at right now).
I know the basics…listen to the Qur’aan and contemplate on the meaning. I would be doing that right now but I’m currently at my college and I forgot my card at home so I can’t check out headphones. Oh well, I guess I’ll just read the Qur’aan from the computer screen and contemplate it. But what else should I do besides this and increasing the remembrance of Allaah (Alhumdulillah just checked, I remembered to put Husnul Muslim in my bag)?
 I went googling and I found a poem about emaan. This pretty much describes my state right now:
 What happened to those days when my Emaan was strong?
When I wouldn’t dare think of doing anything wrong
When my yaqeen in Allah(swt) would lead me through
The good and bad .. the old and new
What happened to those days when my du’aa was sincere?
When there was absolutely nothing on earth that I would fear
When I was certain that Allah(swt) was really near
And would run to Him and leave all that is dear
What happened to those days when I could read and recite Quraan well?
When I bought al-janna and this dunya I would sell
When my heart was pure and all full of light
When my qiyam was my only source of strength and might
What’s wrong my nafs .. why did you fall?
Don’t you know that Allah(swt) knows and hears your call?
A little test like this one shouldn’t beat you so
It shouldn’t pull you down to a level so low
Don’t you know that Allah(swt) chooses what is best
And that this is all a previously planned test
Don’t you know that He(swt) hears your soul .. He(swt) hears your cry
He(swt) sees you fall… He(swt) sees you sigh
Allah(swt) is Great… Allah(swt) is Al-Hakeem
His ways are just no matter how dark it may seem
Hold on my nafs to the fireball in your palm
Hold on to it and when it burns act calm
Whenever it falls, bend down and restart
Let those tears fall and wipe that heart
Remember my nafs the beauty of the promised firdaus
You know it’s your dream to build there a house
Get back on your feet and go back to those days
I know this only a passing phase ..
Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinns and men) deny?(55:16)
