Just another Muslimpad.com weblog
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Assalam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah
My emaan is a bit low presently. I can feel my heart hardening too. I know it’s due to my sins (of which there are many) and I know what I should do to solve it (repent sincerely & regretfully & make the resolve to never commit those sins again). I tried doing that too. However, there’s something different now.
When I usually repent, I can feel myself getting lighter. My heart and soul feel better. I can almost feel the sins being lifted off of me. SubhanAllaah but now, I feel just the same as before repenting. Ya Allaah, how bad have I become that I can’t make myself fear Allaah enough so that my repentance truly means something to me and has a better chance of being accepted?
Please advise me, what do you do when you fall into this type of rut? I desperately need to get out of it. It’s so amazing that when the emaan is down, life just doesn’t have the same meaning anymore. I need to get back to my normal self at least (even though that’s not good either, but it’s better than where I’m at right now).
I know the basics…listen to the Qur’aan and contemplate on the meaning. I would be doing that right now but I’m currently at my college and I forgot my card at home so I can’t check out headphones. Oh well, I guess I’ll just read the Qur’aan from the computer screen and contemplate it. But what else should I do besides this and increasing the remembrance of Allaah (Alhumdulillah just checked, I remembered to put Husnul Muslim in my bag)?
 I went googling and I found a poem about emaan. This pretty much describes my state right now:
 What happened to those days when my Emaan was strong?
When I wouldn’t dare think of doing anything wrong
When my yaqeen in Allah(swt) would lead me through
The good and bad .. the old and new
What happened to those days when my du’aa was sincere?
When there was absolutely nothing on earth that I would fear
When I was certain that Allah(swt) was really near
And would run to Him and leave all that is dear
What happened to those days when I could read and recite Quraan well?
When I bought al-janna and this dunya I would sell
When my heart was pure and all full of light
When my qiyam was my only source of strength and might
What’s wrong my nafs .. why did you fall?
Don’t you know that Allah(swt) knows and hears your call?
A little test like this one shouldn’t beat you so
It shouldn’t pull you down to a level so low
Don’t you know that Allah(swt) chooses what is best
And that this is all a previously planned test
Don’t you know that He(swt) hears your soul .. He(swt) hears your cry
He(swt) sees you fall… He(swt) sees you sigh
Allah(swt) is Great… Allah(swt) is Al-Hakeem
His ways are just no matter how dark it may seem
Hold on my nafs to the fireball in your palm
Hold on to it and when it burns act calm
Whenever it falls, bend down and restart
Let those tears fall and wipe that heart
Remember my nafs the beauty of the promised firdaus
You know it’s your dream to build there a house
Get back on your feet and go back to those days
I know this only a passing phase ..
Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinns and men) deny?(55:16)
Assalam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah
Sorry for not updating. Same old excuse….been busy with stuff. Anyways, I would like to say woohooooooo!!!!! to one of my beloved friends if she ever reads this. I love you sooo sooooo much and wish (du’aa) you the best. Again never forget me, k?
K i’m tired. I’ll reply to the comments from other posts that I haven’t responded to later (as well post inshaAllaah)
 Assalam Alaikum
ok do you guys like my new layout? Man, this thing has way too little layouts. Anyways, shall I keep this or bring back my old green one? I like both….so it’s up to you allll 
Assalam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
 So I’m taking English over the summer, right? Our teacher has given us a project in which we are to make a blog and post continuously for a week. I was thinking about giving this blog link, but I don’t really like handing out my blog in real life to acquaintances. Ya3nee, if they find it, then ok. So yeah, I’m thinking of making a new blog on live journal. I thought it would be an awesome opportunity for da3wah. What should I talk about on my blog? We have to hand in journals every class meeting and I have talked about the 5 pillars of Islaam. So what should I talk about on my blog? I was thinking I could talk about: tawheed (even though I already talked about it), women in Islaam, the justice/prison system (Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo), the effects of depleted uranium (and other weapons of mass destruction)….hmmm I need 3 more topics please. I might have some light topics just for fun too. Help me please. jazakumAllaahu khairun.
Assalam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
I am pleased:
1. When I know I did something for Allaah’s sake
2. Waking up at Fajr to watch the sunrise and at Maghrib to watch the sunset
3. When I feel like I’m actually learning something. Yesterday I was watching the History channel. omA, it was amazing. It was about the sun and subhanAllaah - it just put me in awe once more about how amazing Allaah is. Like, you know how in elementary school they put you through the dreadful, boring documentaries during which you pretend to be watching thoughtfully, but  instead you are daydreaming about how you’re going to go home? Well, this was 100 x better than that.
4. When my family and I are joyfully doing an activity that we don’t mind participating in. And it’s even better when ALL of our relatives are over (and get along with each other/us)
5. WHEN I SEE A KITTYYYYYY/HORSE
6. When I see da3wah being given & it’s a bigger bonus when the party that’s having da3wah given to is actually listening.
7. That I have such awesome friends (lets not even talk about family say mashaAllaah
8. When I hear unusually amazing recitations of the Qur’aan full of emotion
9. When someone accepts naseeha/gives me naseeha without getting upset.
10. When I can reflect on the day and not be upset that I didn’t accomplish anything at all.
I tag: whoever wants a go at this, I’m tired of copy and pasting blog links lol. But ok, anyone reading this: do this! PLEASE? And then post your link here. Kthanks.
And the rules are:
You have to use the picture in my post.
You have to list exactly 10 points.
You have to tag 3 bloggers when you are done.
Assalam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah
 Well, I thought I would be able to get stuff completed once the Spring semester was over, thus being able to update my blog. But right when it ended, I had a bunch of stuff to do. Lemme explain why I haven’t updated:
1.) School - SO much homework and, of course, can’t forget the studying
2.) Da3wah table - I was, at one point, officially obsessed with the days we had the da3wah table. I would sometimes not attend class just to be at the da3wah table. But, I learned from that mistake (ditching classes). Starting now, I’m going to limit my time away from class inshaAllaah
3.) I took the AlMaghrib class (I took The Code Evolved with Shaykh Yaser Birjas - I think he’s my favorite instructor from the institute thus far). It started the day after Spring Semester was over and pretty much kept us busy for two weeks.
4.) Barbeques/picnics
5.) Now I have wedding things (mehendi, bridal shower, shaadi, walima, etc) - let’s see…I have four different people’s “stuff” (some of which was mentioned in the previous parenthesis) to attend - two which are very far from where we live.
6.) Summer classes (which began last Wednesday for me).
7.) Halaqahs (and halaqah assignments)
And to be honest, I’m getting kind of sick of the online world. Well, at least, it seems way less appealing than it did before. I guess I have realized that wherever you go (be it online, real life, on the phone), you tend to run into people that stink (not literally). There’s drama in both worlds (real life and online), but in real life you have a better grasp of things. Allaahu Alam. It’s not to say that online people aren’t great (a lot of them are - some of my dearest friends are from the net). Anyways, whatever. Please du’aa for me. InshaAllaah I will update later on. Sorry for not updating (to the few that actually read my newest posts lol).
 Tc, Assalam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah
Assalam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
 Seriously, what is happening? Everyone is all of a sudden deciding to change their aqeedah and take on some of the most controversial issues & spread them. Honestly, I have literally been crying and have had a heavy feeling in my heart.
I kind of want to die right now because I feel as if there is another huge fitnah approaching us and I don’t know if I can weather it. I used to think that I will remain Muslim when the Dajjal comes, but now I’m totally not sure. If I am having doubts because of the recent ‘internet changes’, I wonder how I will be if I am still alive when the Dajjal comes. (May Allaah protect us all from the fitnah of the Dajjal, Ameen).
 May Allaah take my soul in the highest of emaan and allow me to die once I have received the level of Ihsaan, Ameen.
Last night I was watching a program on TLC. It was called ‘The Boy Whose Skin Fell Off’. SubhanAllaah, my heart hurt for this man who died at the age of 36 after a life-long struggle with a rare disease. I hope that he never heard about Islaam (which is highly unlikely nowadays) because he was too busy with his disease. InshaAllaah, maybe he will be given another chance due to his ignorance. I asked myself….what would I do if during my pregnancy I discovered my child would have a severe disease/disability/disorder, etc? Of course I, like most Muslims, hate abortion but maybe it is an act of mercy in this case? But on the other hand, Allaah does what is best and who are we to take a life? Allaahu Alam. May Allaah never give us a trial as complicated as this, Ameen. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonny_KennedyÂ
 Watching Jonny Kennedy’s story reminded me of Novemthree’s life. I watched his life story about a year ago and I could not contain my tears. I was filled with so much compassion for this child. I grew to love him during that 1-2 hour special and inshaAllaah he is in Jannah since he died when he was a child. Novemthree had a face eating tumor. subhanAllaah, I just can’t imagine his life. It seems as if the children who go through the tougher trials are the most patient. We could learn a thing or two from them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Novemthree
I was also watching something about Micheal J. Fox (someone that all the news channels are talking about). I know that Allaah gives us trials that match our ability to deal with them and nothing more, but I still think about how I would ever be able to handle diseases. Of course we take things one at a time and we deal with life…all of us. I wouldn’t have been able to say 6 years ago that I could have dealt with any of the stuff that has happened since then.
 Anywho, back to the title of this entry. Whenever I watch these types of shows, I admit that I am ashamed of myself. I am so ashamed that I have the nerve to even complain about trivial things. We humans are so ungrateful to our Creator. Allaah has blessed us so much and we hardly ever take out the time to thank Him. As I wrote in my journal once, no matter how many difficulties we have, there is someone out there who is having more hardships than us. Who is at the bottom of the chain you may ask? No one. The person we deem to be at the bottom of the chain may think that we are the people who have it worst in life. But we all need to count our blessings before we start complaining (I say this to myself first and foremost. In fact, I say this to myself soley for now but I decided to share this with you all).
Assalam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
 I love his voice/recitation. MashaALlaah it’s so amazing to listen to him. I will try to upload a sample of a recording from this year’s taraweeh. I also tried uploading it onto youtube, but I think it is still processing.
 Ok, it’s not working - invalid format. Well, there is a brother who has uploaded the recitation from last year. This year’s was a bit different but mashaAllaah still very nice. He can recite in all 7 ways.
 oh my Allaah, while I was recording this, I got so annoyed with all the fans and the girls talking in the back. I mean, if you don’t/can’t pray, then go to the basement! Or go to the room designated for children! DO NOT TALK WHILE WE ARE PRAYING! man. I guess I can’t really blame them because that was me a couple of years ago. I would find one of my long lost friends and we’d start talking until taraweeh ended (=/). But now I look forward to standing for the 20 rakah. =D
 Anyways, here is the brother’s blog….the du’aa is at the top on the banner, right under ‘Saqib Saab’. http://www.xanga.com/saqibsaab He used to have Surah At-Tawbah (ayahs 111-116) on there, but I can’t seem to be able to google it & click the cached version.
LOL, I just reread my last entry. I do not know why I went off on a tangent on how I miss my friends. I guess because I truly do miss them….sorely. Anyways, here’s just something I made….
 
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